


License to Love

by sweetmedusaaa (sajjangmyeon)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dystopia, M/M, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 10:53:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13363146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sajjangmyeon/pseuds/sweetmedusaaa
Summary: Tale #: SPThere is no lawbeyond do what thou wilt.Love is the law,love under will.- Aleister CrowleyIn a world ruled by logic, can "irrational" emotions like love still exist?





	License to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! ٩(♡ε♡ )۶
> 
> Firstly, I would like to say THANK YOU for giving this fic a chance. It's my first time to join a fic fest, and it is really nerve-racking. However, I am extremely thankful to the people who have encouraged me and supported me since day 1. 
> 
> To Mods Blue and Mint, thank you for your patience and understanding. ;; thirst for SuLay is so real... this fic fest is like a downpour of blessings lol *heart heart*
> 
> To the SOFTEST JUNMYEON STAN, Carol, thank you for being there when I whined about my anxieties and stuff. Thank you. You're the sweetest!
> 
> To my babies Dyojagi and Chansie, to whom I dedicate the side pairing ChanSoo, thank you for listening to me as I ranted and whined, thank you for reviewing this fic and sharing your ideas. They're truly helpful. 
> 
> To Ligaya, my offline friend, thank you for giving the inspiration for this fic. I promised you that I'll dedicate a fic if ever I write one, here it is. :)
> 
> To you, my dearest reader, ENJOY! (^^)/~~~

**License to Love**

 

_There is no law_

_beyond do what thou wilt._

_Love is the law,_

_love under will._

\- Aleister Crowley

 

There are just days when you cannot understand why the universe is conspiring against you. No job openings, no free taste in the supermarket, no free sachets of goods at the stations... a source of anything good is equal to null.

This is that day for Yixing. The day when he thought he'd finally pass that  _freakin'_ Consummation, short for “Consummatum examination”, that will give him his pass for a ‘better’ life—a chance to finally fall in love.

"I hate this! I truly, desperately, sincerely hate my life!" Yixing (being the drama king that he is) shouted at the heavens while the rain is falling down on him (such a cliche, but it seems like whole life has been patterned from a Korean drama, let the boy live!). Ok? Okay.

Yixing: NOT OKAY!

 

"You know, it might not be too bad. You'll eventually pass... uhm... after your 5th try?", said the ever-optimistic Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo has been Yixing’s best friend since they were in diapers. Unlike Yixing, Kyungsoo is doing pretty well in life —he has just passed his licensure exam for teachers and is already a hired as a public teacher, he's about to get married to his first love Park Chanyeol, he's financially stable, he's basically  _everything_... that Yixing isn't and he thinks he can  _never_  be.

"Huh! Easy for you to say that someone who’s having all the best life can offer. I cannot pass that examination, and now I will never have the right to love!" Yixing cries.

Kyungsoo sighs. Really, why is his best friend being this dramatic? Then again, Yixing has always been a romantic at heart. Despite all his success in career and having excellent health and social relations, he will always be that kind of person who wishes to be swept off his feet once he finally meets his  _forever._

“Hey, it’s not too bad. You still have us, Xing. No matter what, you’ll always have us as your family. We may never love you the way you wanted to, and we’ll never have sex or whatever... but we will always bring you happiness. Right?”, Kyungsoo smiled at Yixing, hoping his friend will realize that he will never be alone, even with failing his Consummation to finally have the right to love.

 

What is a right to love? You may ask. Is there even such a thing? Who the hell dictates who has the right to love? Isn’t love the only thing that’s free in this world?

This may be the case, in written literature and proclamations of love by the great romanticists of our time. However, in the year 2118—where the world is led by science and logic, humankind discovered that love can be made rational as well. Consummation is called as it is because theories suggest that consummate love is the  _complete_  form of love, representing an  _ideal_  relationship which people strive towards. It is the only love that is associated with the idea of a ‘perfect couple’. Passing the Consummation, or Consummate examination is the only way for a person to get licensed and eventually fall in love with a chosen partner, and live their happily ever after. The love for humanities and anything that require ‘irrational’ thoughts became insignificant to the point of their extinction. With all the hormonal equivalent of human emotions, they discovered that there's a perfect formula for people to finally determine that they have “fallen in love”. Only then can they enter relationships and eventually get married. In this way, no broken families, no children out of wedlock, no single parents, and most importantly, no one will be left heartbroken. It seemed reasonable, only that there are still people like *cough Yixing cough* who hasn't found their significant other [yet].

"Maybe you just need to take a breather. You know? Relax. Go out of town, do everything you need to do before taking another exam,” says Kyungsoo as he patted Yixing’s back, trying to console his desolate friend.

 

-o-

 

Following his best friend’s advise, Yixing took a leave from everything. Boarding the flight to Seoul the following morning, he tried to reassess his life decisions.

So here are things about Yixing: he’s 26 years old, works as a public attorney, lives in his own house, he’s earning enough to support his family, he’s working out daily after work, he’s following a very strict healthy diet, he’s in constant communication with his friends, he’s already traveled to 25 countries in his lifetime... and yet, he does not feel content.

Honestly, he doesn’t know where to begin. As far as he knows, he’s not stupid. He’s topped his bar examinations, dubbed as one of the most successful lawyers in this day and age, and won case after case since he got his title. Thus, failing the exam for the fourth time is unacceptable to someone who’s doing fairly good in life. To say he’s disappointed is such an understatement to what he’s truly feeling.

 

-o-

 

“Hi! Do you have a single room? I’d like to book it for 4 nights,” Yixing says to the receptionist as he tries to settle in the hostel he found nearest to the places he’s planning to visit in Seoul. He still couldn’t believe that of all places in South Korea, he chose Seoul. He has always considered himself as non-conformist to the norm (which is Seoul) and he tried booking a flight to Busan. However, he surprised himself as well when he decided to visit Seoul first, then the rest of South Korea afterward.

“Hi, sir! You’re in luck! We have available single rooms and all are with 20% discount if you pay via the new app, Book-A-Home,” says the man behind the counter. Yixing felt his eyes widen at the sight. The said man is very (VERY) handsome that Yixing couldn’t help but choke, and internally gush.

There standing behind the counter is an angel incarnate.

 

-o-

 

What was supposed to be a one-week vacation in South Korea turned out to be a temporary relocation. Hoping for a fresh start, Yixing has decided that he’ll start a new life in Seoul. He decided to just stay in his hostel since he can easily change his room’s available features just by using the newly installed applications. Junmyeon also gave him the remote for the additional furniture to appear in his room.

Yixing developed a crush towards his landlord faster than he can remember his last meal. The only problem is that Junmyeon is one of the representatives for Sinchon-dong who are in-charge of monitoring the system. He checks statuses of romantic couples and monitors their life goals. How can Yixing confess his love for this man when he cannot even get that license? How can he make Junmyeon believe he’s sincere towards him?

Despite failing the exam multiple times, Yixing was never bothered about it. Sure, he was disappointed, but it’s more of because he’s naturally competitive than because he actually has a love interest. Now, facing this dilemma with his newfound crush, he’s not entirely sure what to feel anymore.

“Good morning, Junmyeon-ssi! Great day, isn’t it?,” Yixing chirped as he descends to the lobby. Junmyeon is looking dapper as usual, making Yixing sigh and inwardly cry at the same time.

“Good morning, Zhang-ssi! Glad to see you’re quite cheery today”, Junmyeon replied. Junmyeon’s smile was so wide that Yixing felt blinded by his perfect set of white teeth, his eyes that wrinkles at their outer ends, and the way his nose scrunches like a rabbit.  _Someday, that face will become the death of me!_ Yixing thought.

Yixing tried – TRY being the operative word – on not being Mr. Obvious when it comes to his feelings for Junmyeon. He’s trying so hard to not let Junmyeon know, especially now that Junmyeon has just learned how he failed his exam.

And yet, no matter how much Yixing tried to kill his unnecessary feelings towards the young man, he cannot deny that his feelings for Junmyeon have become deeper each day that passes. He’s learning that beyond the gorgeous face is a man of great depth.

He can still remember the time when Junmyeon helped him for his work interviews. He’s always there for Yixing, despite long hours of waiting for his working visa to be completed. He prepared meals for him, even insisted on Yixing bringing snacks so that he wouldn’t feel hungry while waiting in line. Although proficient in the English language, Yixing finds the Korean language quite difficult to master. Upon learning this, Junmyeon started tutoring him on his free time. All these acts of kindness and Yixing still cannot say if Junmyeon has any feelings for him. It is difficult to assume, especially because Junmyeon is just naturally kind. The boy got manners instilled in him, so naturally expressed that Yixing found himself falling in love all over again.

 

-o-

 

“I can’t do this Kyungsoo! I can’t stay there and listen to his stories about couples falling in love without imagining us, together, growing older with our kids and grandkids. Soo-yah!!! Help me!” Yixing wailed. Luckily, Junmyeon was out in a meeting with the Sinchon-dong representatives. Apparently, there was a case of couples who are demanding a divorce because although licensed, they still can’t fall in love with each other. It is something serious, for when there’s a flaw in the system... people will start questioning it. And Junmyeon doesn’t want that. He believes in the system, breathes and lives with it. He even shared bits of his ideas of a perfect man and a perfect relationship with Yixing while they were having dinner the other night. This is also one of the reasons why Yixing is getting more and more frustrated. He needs to take and pass that examination, once and for all!

“You know I cannot help you beyond of what I can do, Xing. It’s just an exam with a mixture of psychological questions, general knowledge questions, and the likes. You are even smarter than me! Not to shove it on your face but for someone who has taken the exam four times now, you should have already become an expert”, Kyungsoo said.

“I know! Don’t you think I’m aware of that fact? But this time, it’s different. Maybe there’s something with Korean exams that can make it easier for me? Can you come here and tutor me?” Yixing pleaded. He tried pouting for an extra effect, as he pleaded for Kyungsoo’s help. Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes, using hologram calls are both amusing and exhausting, especially considering the time differences.

“You know I can’t, Xing. Chanyeol and I have already decided to adopt Soon Ah. She’ll be arriving in a few days, and we’re preparing her nursery.” Kyungsoo sighed. He doesn’t doubt that his best friend will understand his situation. His sigh is because of all the frustrations and worries he feels for his best friend. “We’re very excited, Xing! This is what we’ve been waiting for,” Kyungsoo shared with that secret smile of his that is only preserved when he's talking about anything Chanyeol-related. Yixing couldn’t help but feel bittersweet happiness for his best friend. His friend who deserves only the best out of life.

“I understand, Soo. I didn’t know that the adoption documents have already been arranged. If I had known, I wouldn’t have asked you that favor.” Yixing tried to assure Kyungsoo that there are no hard feelings between them. He’s known Kyungsoo almost all his life, and he knows how much his best friend worries for him. “I am actually very excited for you and Chanyeol as well. I’ll be sure to visit you once my vacation leave is approved.” Yixing said as he ended the call. With a deep breath, he figured he might need a drink to settle his nerves for the night. He was about to leave the hostel when he chanced upon a very disheveled Junmyeon.

Junmyeon did not notice him yet, so Yixing thought he could still stare at this young man who has captured his heart and soul in just a few months after meeting him. The man who continued to fuel his desire to get that right to love him with all of his being. Yixing continued to secretly stare at Junmyeon until he retreats to his own room.

 

-o-

 

The following days, Yixing started reviewing his notes from his previous Consummations. He figured that he might need a new tactic for his 5th try. He started going to the library after work, staying there until midnight. His only free day was Sundays, and even then, he’s still checking the internet for any news about the next National Consummation day. He has always taken his exams seriously, even before when he did not have a love interest yet. How much more now that he has Junmyeon as inspiration? He’s so nervous that he’s getting anxiety attacks every now and then. Even Junmyeon started noticing the changes in his behavior.

“Hi, Xingie!” Yixing was so surprised with Junmyeon’s new nickname for him. Junmyeon has always been kind to him, but lately, he’s being extra kind. He’s sending messages and calling Yixing more often now too. Yixing is so confused, but he isn’t complaining.

“H-hi Myeon!” Yixing replied. Junmyeon’s peachy cheeks flamed as Yixing called him by his favorite nickname. The young landlord slowly approached Yixing. Yixing can feel his cheeks warm as Junmyeon continued to stare into his eyes. He felt his heart beat quicken as Junmyeon raised his arms, Yixing’s thoughts running wild as he tried to decipher what was happening.

“There, I fixed it. It’s cold outside, Xingie, please never forget your scarf. Always keep yourself warm!” Junmyeon’s smiling at him as he stepped backward, giving ample space between him and Yixing. Yixing didn’t even realize he’s been holding his breath all this time. As he slowly let out a breath, he felt his mouth slacken as words came out rolling without his permission.

“I love you, Myeon,” he blurted out. Junmyeon looked so shocked, Yixing rendered him speechless.

“Ah- I... Xingie, really? Is...is that true?” Junmyeon spluttered. This cannot be happening. Yixing panicked as he saw how flustered Junmyeon is.  _Why? Why is this happening now?_  Yixing screamed in his head. He closed his eyes as he was racking his mind for any excuse he can come up with, but before he can think of one, he felt soft lips kissing his own. He thought he was losing his mind and was imagining things when he slowly opened his eyes and saw that it was Junmyeon, kissing him. K I S S I N G H I M!!! Yixing was beyond ecstatic that he deepened the kiss. Everything happened so fast, but no one is letting anyone free out of each others’ grasp. Things escalated so quickly, but neither seemed interested in stopping anytime soon.

 

-o-

 

If anyone would tell Yixing that he will get the chance to sleep with Junmyeon before passing his Consummation, he would have outright laughed at their faces. It never occurred to him that his deepest and perhaps darkest desires, starred by the [naked] man sleeping beside him would come true. He has always hoped but never assumed.

Things got out of hand last night, and he needs to clarify things with Junmyeon as soon as he wakes up from his deep slumber. He’s not sure what fueled Junmyeon’s actions, but he’s sure of his feelings: he loves Junmyeon, if anything, more than ever. As he contemplates his next moves, he remembered a not so distant memory of him and Junmyeon, talking about the couple who got caught of cheating beyond each others’ backs. They were the same couple who demanded a divorce. Unfortunately, the system doesn’t believe in divorce, thus, both were punished and sentenced to death.

_Yixing and Junmyeon started eating together, as their schedules permit. It doesn’t seem special at first, but eating meals with Junmyeon has become Yixing’s favorite part of his daily life. No matter how much convincing counter-arguments Yixing give to himself, he still cannot make his feelings go away. It only deepens with every single smile, every single touch, every single food that Junmyeon prepares for Yixing, and every little thing. He’s so irrevocably in love that he even started laughing at Junmyeon’s jokes. He’s really got it bad._

_Junmyeon knows that Yixing has not passed the Consummation yet. With this knowledge, Yixing is pretty sure that Junmyeon will never entertain his love for him. He feels how unjust and cruel the system is for people like him when all they wanted to do is show their love for the people they’re in love with. Fueled by feelings of remorse, Yixing decided to question Junmyeon and the system he believes in._

“ _Why do you think there's a need for people to get licensed before falling in love?" Yixing suddenly asked Junmyeon, as Junmyeon was about to feed himself._

 _If Junmyeon was surprised of his question, it did not reflect on his face. He paused for a while, seemingly deep in thought_ _of the right answer. “It's because it's human nature to like the feeling of falling and being in love, that they sometimes confuse it with infatuation instead of true love. In the process, infatuation dies out and thus, breaks relationships founded on shallow emotions." Junmyeon tried explaining it to Yixing without disclosing anything important as a representative of the system. He replied as if he's practiced this reply a thousand times already._

_"But, aren't all relationships bound to have their own challenges? I know it's not always rainbows and butterflies. But don’t we deserve to have a second, third, and many chances in love? Isn’t falling in love a risk, to begin with?" Yixing tried to reason out. He firmly believes that the test is not the be all and end all of love. He felt how unfair it is if the system will resort to killing the couple just because they have fallen out of love with each other. Isn’t it to err is human, to forgive is divine?_

_"Yes, but passing the test_ _also means there won't be petty arguments, and lovers won't involve other people just because. When we're in love, we often forget that the world does not revolve around us. Our mistakes will always affect others—it's either children will grow up in loveless marriages, or partners will start hating each other to the point of wanting to hurt each other. If they belong to the same circle of friends, their friends might start siding against the other, and thus, ruin friendships as well. Passing the test means you will no longer be selfish, and become selfless enough to give love and receive it the best way you can. It has been proven and tested for already a century. The case of the deranged couple is an isolated case that should be dealt according to what the law states. One cannot be selfish and not suffer its repercussions." Junmyeon smiled, and this time, he looked like he truly meant every single word he said. Yixing then realized how fucked he is. He's fucked because he felt himself melt with Junmyeon’s smile. He's fucked because of how guilty he is of Junmyeon’s response. He knows how much he has dreamed of falling in love that sometimes he feels like he's been in love all along. It has always been that way with his past failed romances in his younger years. Back then, it wasn’t required yet for him to have a license to be in a relationship. The system only requires couples at the age of 20 to take the exam before entering relationships. Failure to pass and entering one means death for both couples._

_Junmyeon’s words made Yixing rethink of his feelings towards the man in front of him. Does he really love Junmyeon? Or is he simply looking for someone to love? Is this the reason why he can't pass that damn test?_

_Still quite broken from his conversation with Junmyeon, Yixing continued to contemplate his realizations. He is afraid, that he is. He's scared that if he acted on his feelings and declared his love for Junmyeon, the man will outright reject him. He is afraid that no matter how strong his feelings for Junmyeon are, he will never realize his true intentions because of his lack of a license to love. He feels angry, anger towards the system which thinks they have the right to name his emotions. He is angry towards himself, because of his failure to conquer what was considered acceptable among his kind. Love has finally become a rational thought, why can't he be rational enough?_

-o-

Packed with these thoughts, Yixing found additional determination to pass the exam. Day in and day out, he reviewed for the exam. He tried to improve his relationships with his family, his friends, his co-workers, and neighbors. He tried and tried until he felt confident enough to pass the exam.

In the process, however, of making himself a better person, he also lacked the time to spend with Junmyeon. They never even had the chance to talk about what happened between the two of them. Upon waking up, Yixing found that Junmyeon was no longer in bed with him. He reckoned that it might have been Junmyeon’s subtle attempt to not make things awkward between them. Yixing understands... it’s what he does  _best_. He understands the penalty for their actions, and he is scared not only for himself but even more for Junmyeon. He tried to not bump onto him as he maneuvers his way to the office and to the library after work, only coming home when it’s already passed curfew and Junmyeon’s no longer manning the reception desk. It's not that he'd forgotten him. He will never forget Junmyeon, no matter how much he tries. He simply thought that his presence will become a nuisance for the both of them, and he'll be distracted before the day of the exam. He's excited but he's more anxious than usual.

"I can do this! For Junmyeon, for me, and,” Yixing paused and gathered enough breath, “FOR LOVE!” he shouted. Yep, THE drama king never left!

 

-o-

 

The day of the National Consummation has arrived, and Yixing is beyond anxious. He can feel another panic attack coming, but he restrains himself as he tries to settle in his assigned seat.  _This is it!_ Yixing mentally pumps his arms in the air,  _“_ _I can finally show them that I can also love, that I can love Junmyeon and show him how important he is to me”._ He sniffs as he felt tears brimming his eyes. He should not cry, he’s strong... he can do this! He continuously cheered himself up until the bell rang, signaling the start of the exam.

Despite everything that Yixing did to pass the exam, all the preparations, the mental and emotional struggles, he still failed. He cannot believe that he failed the exam. What will Junmyeon say? What will Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, the rest of his family say? No matter how good he is with his career, he still feels like a loser, a loser who cannot love; a loser who does not know what love is.

He tried to cry and cry until he just can no longer cry. No more tears are left as he screamed his lungs out by the Han river.  _How can life be this cruel?_  Yixing thought.  _Why me?_  Yixing asked no one.  _Just once, can’t I be happy?_  Yixing just wants answers, answers that nobody can give. He runs and runs until he wishes he could just disappear.

 

 

And disappear, he did.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't kill me with the cliffhanger!!! Part 2 will be up after the fic fest, perhaps.  
> ✧(*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡


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